I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
