Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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