..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
