Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
