Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
