i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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