It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
