So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
