would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
