Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
