why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
