you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
