Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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