Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
