Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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