Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
