I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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