Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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