I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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