oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
