hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
