so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize