Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
