oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
