I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
