I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
