I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
