this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Less talking, more tequila
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
