Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
