when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
