I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize