you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
