also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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