Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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