Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
