I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
