one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
