just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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