Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you didnt know i had herpes?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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