Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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