I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
