my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
