There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
