just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
