I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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