I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
