Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
