I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
