so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize