My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
