i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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