whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
