ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
