So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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