Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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