I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
