apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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