to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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