i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
