i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
