it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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