I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
