Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
