So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
