Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
