We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize