So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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