Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
