Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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