I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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