Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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