How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
