Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
