its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
