belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
