he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize